Monday, October 8, 2007

Energy Vampires

One of the things we've talked about in massage school is the concept of the Energy Vampire. While this term may inspire some to roll their eyes and others to hum the theme to the Twilight Zone or the X-Files, it's actually a very common phenomenon. I was skeptical myself to begin with, but recent events have made me a believer. Perhaps another, more common term for the Energy Vampire is the Passive-Aggressive Pain in the Ass. A similar personality is the Manipulative Pain in the Ass.

Energy vampires, it was explained to us at orientation, are people who complicate the day-to-day workings of class or work in tiny ways. What they do doesn't look serious on the surface, but over the course of months or years they cost other people a lot of time and energy. Such a person might be chronically late. It's not much of a disruption, but when someone walks in to work or class late, they have to be acknowledged, accommodated, and caught up on what's going on. It causes a distraction from the flow of events. It requires that this person get special attention.

Then Dallas, one of my classmates, started talking about her ex-boyfriend being a self-professed Energy Vampire. She described him as mysterious character - somehow he's always able to outwit her in an argument, she said, and she doesn't understand how he does it. (Perhaps he has a Phd in manipulative). And after they broke up, he called her and told her a big lie about how she owed him hundreds of dollars because he hadn't been paying toward their joint membership and now the gym wanted the money. I believe this ploy was as much about having an excuse to call and harass her as it was to get money out of her.

I didn't think much about what she was saying at first, but then she said something like, "I really want to help him, you know. Because I'm a good person." Then I remembered. I know several other people who are able to rein and saddle others that way. Energy Vampires carry on like they're needy and helpless in order to get control of someone else. They get you hooked on a false sense of responsibility. And in many cases it's not a genuine sense of responsibility, because you act on it out of a desire to feel noble. The neediness isn't real, and the desire to "help" isn't real either, but they're both essential ingredients in addictive drama. I've dated some Energy Vampires myself.

There was a big Energy Vampire event in class last week. I spent a lot of my weekend thinking about it and feeling stupid for doing so.

We had a special seminar, which included members of other massage classes, so there were some people we didn't know in the room. Toward the end of the day, the instructor gave a presentation about individual projects we'd just completed, and analyzed each student's work for the class. In the middle of it, a girl I didn't know spoke out in a loud, scornful voice. "Well, if you're going to just do this, is it okay if those of us who aren't interested leave? Cause, you know, I'm just not feeling it."

I could feel outrage welling up in me, and I didn't want it, but I could not resist giving in to emotional involvement in this situation. The instructor engaged the "Not feelin' it" girl in a discussion about free will and school policies regarding make up work for missed class time. "Not feeling it" left the room after one or two more assy statements.

Those statements are translated here:

HEY EVERYBODY, THE UNIVERSE HAS FAILED TO MAKE ME FEEL SPECIAL ENOUGH TODAY, AND ALL OF YOU ARE GOING TO PAY. I AM GOING TO PISS EVERYONE IN HERE OFF, THEREBY INVOLVING YOU IN MY TROUBLED EMOTIONAL STATE, AND THEN I WON'T FEEL SO ALONE.

I resented the fact that this student/teacher conflict had to include me and everybody else in the room. I didn't even know "Not feelin' it," and yet I was covered up in emotional ick because I was helpless to keep myself from getting sucked into her emotional vortex. I'm pissed off because I'm still stirred up enough about it to write this long-assed entry. I'm enraged because it's reminded me of other events when I've been directly or indirectly manipulated by an Energy Vampire. I thought I was the only one so afflicted, but today I found out it affected everyone in my class pretty much the same way.

I need some guidance about how to become Energy Vampire-proof.
I wrote about a similar topic in my post "Exorcism and Julius Ceasar" here.
I don't know what those red flowers are, but bless them for blooming in spite of this drought.